Tuesday, February 23, 2010

The Widening Gap

Oh, Lu Lu Belle...how you make me laugh...

...and how you terrify me with your craziness.

Lucy is on a developmental rampage.

She is crawling. Everywhere. It's still more of an army crawl, but she is FAST. And busy.

It's been interesting to see the relationship between her and Henry...since she's getting into his toys, messing up his perfectly lined up race cars, and otherwise giving him a run for his money. (For the record, "mine" is a bad word in our house. "Henry...you don't say MINE...it is the FAMILY'S toy...")

Lucy can also add her first...and I think her second...word to her list of achievements..."mama", I am happy to report, was her first. So far it's cute, but I'll let you know when it's not. I'm sure it won't be long. And, she's used "dada" a few times...specifically to her daddy. :)

If you hold her hands while she is standing...she tries to WALK. As in, she begins taking deliberate steps towards whatever item she has her sights on. She can't balance to save her life, but the fact that she knows how to move her chubby legs in a forward motion baffles me.

Oh, and she can sit unassisted too.

...and one of bottom teeth is poking through. Let the record show that this last development sends chills down my spine like no horror movie ever could. I see yelping and tears in my future.

In case you forgot, the girl is 7 months old. Seven.


The thing about Lucy's rapid development is that it widens the gap between her and Jill.

Sure, I could tell that Jill was behind before...but the average person couldn't, and I was her mom and hyper-aware of every movement.

Beforehand, babies...even those on track...don't do much. They just kinda lay there for the most part.

Now though...as Lucy scoots around like a maniac...my heart sinks as I see Jill still laying there quietly on a blanket. Barely even able to coordinate her movement enough to grab a rattle sitting next to her.

Don't get me wrong...Jill is progressing. Every. single. week. we see improvement. She is getting stronger and can do things a little better every week.


But while Jill is moving forward...she is so. far. behind. It's *really* obvious now.

It's not just that she can't sit up yet...it's that she is nowhere NEAR ready to sit up yet.

Asking the therapist: "Do you think Jill will be able to sit up unassisted by her first birthday?"

"Um...let's make that our goal okay?!"

Not the answer I wanted.

VERY strange to think that my daughter may not be able to sit up at her first birthday party.

Particularly when her twin is likely to be running around like a banshee.

The conundrum for a mom is this:

As Lucy hits milestones, I find my reaction to be one of a sinking pit in my stomach...not the joyous celebration, hooping and hollering I did when Henry did these things.

Rather than being ecstatic for Lucy, I grieve for Jill.

And that's grossly unfair...to both of them.

I know that Lu is on the high end of the spectrum, Jill on the low. Put together, it's a big difference.

I just have to remember to celebrate each of the girls' development separately. Make it a conscious decision to not compare. (Easier said than done, no?)

Hoop and holler for each girl individually...and not as a unit.

Love my children for who they are.

Henry as Henry.

Lucy as Lucy.

Jill as Jill.

(Don't you just love Jill's bedhead?!)

Different but precious.

Made in His image.

Loved like no other.


jenny said...

I think the fact that they are TWINS must make it all the more difficult. I guess it's kinda nice that they aren't identical, therefore they look different and can really seem like two, separate people - not a unit. (Do you know what I'm saying??) But, yes, gosh... I will pray that you are able to celebrate BOTH girls the way God made them to be.

Joanie said...

Crying now, and remembering how I grieved and prayed for Jill in the NICU with those thoughts in mind. It is not fair to any one of you. It is okay to feel the angst that you feel. I'm sad that you have this hurting your heart, but not sad for the way God will be glorified through all of it. You have a great attitude and each one of your babies has such special gifts! Right now, Henry's is patience, Lucy's is ambition and Jill's is peace. Ah, peace. Lucy is REALLY astounding me with talking. My Goodness. I didn't know babies talked that early!

Leah said...

Beautifully said and a great idea to celebrate all your kids as individuals.God is in control.

Jacquelyn said...

They are certainly their own little blessings in their own little ways. P.s. Isaac has 8 teeth and occasionally bites but .. it's cheaper than formula! After a while you get used to the little red teeth marks.

joy said...

hugs to you, dear friend. your challenge is highlighted because the girls are twins. and i agree with joanie that it's okay to feel the angst. you are such a good mama to recognize the fact thought that each child needs to be celebrated uniquely. easy to say, hard to do.

Lisa Leonard said...

as twins, it's so natural to compare them. and of course, lucy's quick development highlights jill's slower development. i remember when matty passed up david developmentally-it was really hard. i don't know what jill's future will hold developmentally but you need to grieve. it's hard right now. it stinks. i hope she overcomes the obstacles she's facing so early in life, but either way, she is precious and a treasure. grieve her struggle. grieve for yourself, too. and i know that in the midst of that God will give you grace to find beauty, joy and blessing every day. love love you.

Mama Mote said...

Isn't it great that you have friends who love you, grieve and have joy with you and some can even relate to what you are going through? You are doing just what you need to do and yes, it's easier said than done. Thanks for sharing and also for the cute pictures of your beautiful children.

Dena said...

I can't imagine how hard that must be. Jill is just precious and on her own schedule. The unknown must be agony. Praying for you daily.

Chelle Belle said...

Wow I just can't even imagine how hard that must be! Many many hugs to you and your family. But what an amazing attitude, I wish I had your strength. Twins are hard and I've let that get me down but I really need to celebrate their healthy little lives more each day. Jill is a beauty and as Joanie said each child has their own special gifts and Jill's is just as great as the rest of your children's. Congrats to Lucy BTW on all her milestones!!

Lesli said...

Hi! Jumped over here from the pleated poppy. You're blog is awesome! I have twin girls who turned two in December. It's definitely hard not to compare them all the time, but I've noticed as mine have gotten older, they've turned into such different people that it's gotten easier not to do it as much. Twin mommyhood brings so many challenges that you wouldn't even think of otherwise! I feel bad that they have to share EVERYTHING including our time and attention. But, there are so many benefits too. A constant playmate, a built in best friend, a sense of confidence and security when other kids feel alone. I try to mitigate the negative things about being a twin, but when I can't, I just know that God created them this way for a reason, and there are things about being a twin that are so amazing. They actually have something most people will never experience. You're kiddos are adorable BTW. :)