Sunday, January 24, 2010

Jumped the Gun...

Remember this post when I said that Jill scored at 75%?

Well, apparently I was wrong...

...or wishful thinking...

...or that was my sub-conscious hoping that if I typed it that way, it would come true?...

I don't know.

Psychologist I am not.

See, what happened was that I had glanced at the checklist...while trying to keep Henry and Lucy entertained...and I thought I saw most of the boxes checked...but what I didn't realize was that there were multiple pages of checklists...excuses, whatever...

As a reminder, Jill is 6 months old.

The promising sign is that she has caught up with the 0-2 month skills...which she didn't score very well on at the time either.

Perceptual/Fine Motor (small movements - hands): 4/4 skills at 0-2 months and 3/8 skills at 3-5 months.

Cognitive/Adaptive (problem solving): 4/4 skills at 3-5 months and 1/5 skills at 6-8 months.

Language (gestures or verbal communication): 3/3 skills at 3-5 months.

Gross Motor (large movements - legs/arms): 6/6 skills at 0-2 months, 5/10 skills at 3-5 months, and 2/16 skills at 6-8 months.

Social/Emotional: 5/6 skills at 3-5 months and 1/4 skills at 6-8 months.

I almost didn't post this. I almost just left it as is. Not because I am ashamed, but because I feel stupid. Why did I jump the gun and post what I thought I saw before I had the report??? Why did I assume that a quick glance was sufficient?

Whatever the reason, I don't know. But I do know this:

I am sad.

So sad.

I guess if I'm honest, I thought that Jill's movement issues would be a lot like Henry's heart...scary and stressful...but ultimately...

temporary.

Something that would be a memory.

A story for the baby book.

But nothing long term.

Surely she would grow out of it.

...

We know nothing for sure right now. She can still go on and catch up...it just might take her longer to get there.

We have an appointment with a different Physical Therapist on Friday through the NICU...who will do their own, separate assessment...someone who has never seen her...a second opinion if you will...

So we will see what they have to say.

But if I'm honest...and I watch her movements...really watch how she does things...or doesn't do things...

...I'm not entirely sure that I believe that this will all go away.

At least not completely.

And so, I try to wrap my brain around the idea that I may, indeed, have a special needs child after all.

To what degree I don't know.

But even still it's hard to come to terms with.

I have so much to say about all of this...but I need to process it...make it coherent...and not turn this into the world's longest blog post...

So I'll leave it at that for now.

I don't know about you, but it's a lot for me to take in all at once...but then again, I'm her mommy...

5 comments:

Chelle Belle said...

I am so sorry, words cannot express how my heart breaks for how sad I know you must be as a mommy! She is perfect, she will catch up! Hugs!

Priscilla said...

....and you will teach her to be as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside!! When I saw her Sat. my heart just melted at her GORGEOUS eyes!! So many stupid, inane comments are rattling around in my brain right now because it brings back memories of our special needs foster kids. Praise God for therapists and friends!!!

Leah said...

You are an awesome mother and if anyone can get her to an even higher level I know you can. I don't know you personally but I have read your blog for quite awhile. You are a determined mom. She's a precious gift from God as all our children are. She will excel.

Joanie said...

Love you, Jeannett. So sorry to hear you are aching.

shula said...

We have not met, but I enjoy reading your blog. My twins are just 2 weeks behind your girls, but can barely roll over.
Remember, there are ranges for everything and it is really tough to test babies. They may be tired, hungry or plain not in the mood. My older son has not rolled over until almost 7 month and could not sit for a while after. He is now 12 and I consistently scores in 99 percentile nationally in language Arts and Math. My daughter (now 10) did not crawl or pull up to stand until almost 12 month and it turned out to be a sensory issue.
Stay positive! She looks lovely and gorgeous. I am sure she will catch up! Think good and t will be good!