Sunday, June 7, 2009

Psychology of a Twin Pregnancy

If you are ever pregnant with twins, the FIRST thing you will notice is the apparent doom and gloom associated with it. Words like bedrest, pre-term labor, twin to twin transfusion syndrome, Intra Uterine Growth Restriction, placental abruption, pre-eclampsia...all become commonplace vocabulary. Every book, internet site, article and doctor you encounter will warn you of all of these risks and leave you believing that you'll be lucky to still have two live babies at the end of it all.

You anxiously count down the weeks to viability (24 weeks), worry and jump at every little thing and read, read, read...and go back and read it all again.

You find yourself praying prayers you had never once dreamed of:

"Dear Lord, please do not let one of my babies die. Please do not let me have to carry around a dead baby for months for the sake of the live one..."

And you chug along, half terrified because that's all you've been told to expect.

And somehow, you find yourself pretty far along. And you are HUGE. Uncomfortable. Everything hurts. You don't know just how much more you can take. Tasks once considered simple...loading the dishwasher, sweeping the floor, sleeping, breathing...are now painful. Oh, and there's still at least six weeks to go! Every night as you crawl into bed, you secretly celebrate having made it through just one more day of misery.

This is where you find yourself no longer worrying so much about not making it to you worry about going the whole FORTY WEEKS!!! All you want is to be over and done with soon as is feasible of course. You just want time to speed up so that you can have some semblance of your former self back. The thought of being that 1% that makes it to forty weeks sounds like Chinese water torture...

And then, one day, well into viability, yet too soon to avoid NICU time, you start to feel the beginnings of labor. And you feel so guilty for wishing you could be done. So you lay around like a bump on a log always expecting that tell-tale gush of water...knowing that rather than relief, you will only feel desparation and guilt at your feelings just a few days earlier.

Moral of the story: this is tough.


Tamika said...

Oh my dear girl........are you in my head?? Your words about your prayers = and not carrying one dead babe for the sake of the live one is where I'm at right now. I'm not in that stage of viability yet.....

Thank you for sharing....

Joanie said...

Wow. Wow.
I don't have the personal experience to encourage you, my friend, but I just keep thinking about twice the smiles and twice the little baby giggles, twin language, Henry's first hugs to his little sisters...

No, it doesn't sound easy when it comes to the pregnancy, then feeding and diapering, but the twin moms I know are so special - including YOU, and they always have a certain glow and that knowing smile when they talk about their babies.

Praying for you!

Jamie said...

happened upon your blog from my wonderful friend Tamika. And I just wanted to say from one twin mommy to another, I know where you're coming from!!! Each day you wish for healthy babies, you count kicks, wondering if you're certain that it was the baby you thought it was moving, or did they switch positions again. You hold your breath until your next ultrasound hoping and praying to see two healthy happy babies. You watch your feet disappear as your belly takes over your entire body. You watch your ability to take a full, deep, cleansing breath deminish because there are babies up and under your lungs. The list could go on.

But in the end, when you hear one cry, followed shortly by another, and when you watch your beautiful brand new babies and their amazing bond that was already forming all those months that they were growing inside your belly, you can finally take that deep cleansing breath and know that it was worth it. Every agonizing second of it, worth it!!!

Good luck, and many prayers and blessings to you on your journey ahead!!!

Mom to:
Dallas-8 (born at 34 weeks)
Gabriel-6 3/4 (born at 36 weeks)
Kaleb and Kendyl- 3 3/4 (boy girl twins born at 37 weeks, my longest pregnancy of them all!)

summer... said...

praying for you