Thursday, March 11, 2010

Can I Complain for a minute?

Today I went to Costco with the kids.

I'm sure I'm quite the sight...Henry and Lucy in the cart next to eachother, and Jill in the ergo on my chest...

...pushing that huge cart full of who knows what.

In all my 5'2" glory.

Some smile.

Some exclaim "How cute!"

But most...

...yes, most...

....have some kind of less than positive reaction.

Mutterings of "Dear God..." under their breath...

..."holy cow"...

or out loud "Boy! You have your hands full!"

Today, one woman (in a disgusted voice) said: "You have your hands poor thing..."

I stopped in my tracks, looked at her and said much more chipper than I wanted

"Yes I do, and I love it! It is awesome!"

She was really awkward and didn't make eye contact the next three aisles we crossed paths.

This is what I want to know:

at what point in our society did we view three, perfectly behaved children...all dressed...teeth brushed...quietly sitting...happy as vile, disgusting creatures?

It shouldn't matter one bit that they were all dressed cute and clean, but even that I can almost understand.

But really, would think I was carting around three filthy, stinky, screaming, diseased hyenas.

While it makes me mad inside, I am angered more for my children. I do not want them to feel they are icky or gross or meddlesome to others just because they exist.

It's just plain sad. I feel sorry for people.

And while I'm pissed off and complaining...

TWO grown men...stood next to me in the aisle...waiting their I visibly struggled to haul a FORTY POUND BAG OF DOG FOOD into my cart...WHILE WEARING A BABY STRAPPED TO MY CHEST.

Moms, please teach your sons to be chivalrous. Kind. Polite. Helpful.

I don't care what any feminist says.

Manners are important. And a woman trying to lug a package equal to a third of her own body weight could use a little help. And she shouldn't have to ask. Because you should have been raised to know enough.

Rant over.

Thanks for listening.


joy said...

amen! preach on! and that is awful those men didn't help you.

jenny said...

Ugh! Sorry Jeannett. Some days it's all I can do to keep my mouth shut. It's up to us rightly minded mothers/women/people in this world to educate others on how children are a blessing. Difficult at times, yes, but a blessing.

Same thing happened to me once at a store with cat litter. I sighed HEAVILY, gave some guy "the eye" behind me and waited until he asked, "Oh you need some help??" Thanks Dude. You're so astute.

Joanie said...

I just am not prepared for society putting a number on how many children is the right number. I see it as the more the merrier, and my little nest as...missing out somehow. (Even though I always seem to be just barely treading water and my husband is firm on staying at two.) Big families mean big blessings. And since I'm number 3, I'm REALLY glad my parents thought more would be better.

And chilvary seems to have died along with the belief that each child is a blessing. Sheesh.

McVal said...

Wow! Those men should've helped you for sure! Or at least the checkout person should have said, No, let me get that for you!
When I was pregnant with my first, my shoes stopped fitting. I was swelling a lot toward the end... We walked into a shoe store to find something that fit and the kid working there said, "Wow! You look like you're going to pop!"
My hubby led me right back out the door and I found some shoes at somewhere else.
I think some people have no tact at all and speak without thinking first. Take my MIL... please...

Mae Goodale said...

amen!!!! I'm due soon with my 3rd, I'm wondering if I too will get the stairs. I need to get equiped with good comebacks like that
:) Mae

Brianna Heldt said...

Ah yes, I know it well. :)

Thankfully I get much more positive feedback in Denver than I did in SM. Not sure why, but I'll take it!!!! :)

People are just rude. No doubt about it. Our society's values regarding children and family have undergone a major shift over the past few decades I think. And not for the good, for the most part!!!

Kristen Borland said...

ugh, yes!! i know exactly what you mean, and it is so very frustrating! but even when they aren't behaving perfectly because two are goofy silly (need naps) and one wants to be five years older than she really is (needs nap) and also has just hit her ear on a shelf and it's swollen up three sizes... even then it's maddening when people look at you like you are inconveniencing their day by being at the store at the same time as them. as if we had another choice?! i've got kids. they come with me. period. and don't people know kids are still little human beings who are in the process of learning how to behave? it's a process (that we are working hard on, by the way). i think people simply forget what it's like to raise kids, that kids aren't born as adults (thank goodness!). but that's my rant. sorry!

inkie-mumma said...

Yep people are horrible, I also have three kids and get all sorts of comments. But then I'm covered in tattoos and my middle child has Autism and make all kinds of noises. I do feel your pain, no one should have the right to make us feel like lesser beings for the path we have chosen, children are blessings.

cee.fabee. said...

those people probably hate their own lives.

Mommy Laity said...

I know sometimes I can be one of those people who opens my mouth when I shouldn't. Usually I think that I'm offering empathy. Meaning, I understand that having three little ones can be exhausting. But disgust? I can't imagine why anyone would feel disgust at seeing three beautiful babies, or why they would feel free to express that if they did. I'm sorry. And YES! What has happened to helpfulness?!!! I've had people stand there and watch while I struggle with getting a double stroller through a store door. I also have had people be helpful though, which is such a blessing.

Mommy Laity said...

By the way, it took me half an hour to leave that stupid comment. Why is it the moment I sit down at the computer everyone (including my husband) needs something from me? *sigh* There is my complaint for the day. =)

krystina said...

i love how you put it: "at what point in our society did we view three, perfectly behaved children...all dressed...teeth brushed...quietly sitting...happy as vile, disgusting creatures?" i am so with you on this. it's ridiculous! WELL SAID MAMA!

Chelle Belle said...

Oh I feel your pain!!! People STARE at us in the in all eyes on us as we walk through the food court (6 mo old twins and a 21 month old) as if being extra randy is what creates twins I mean seriously people haha! Course many people exclaim quietly about our rockin stroller but still. And when I was hugely preggo I learned chivalry didn't exist when not one man stood up to let me have a seat while waiting for a table at a restaurant. My hubby is great though and wouldn't dream of letting someone else stand <3.

Kevin Heldt said...

"...filthy, stinky, screaming, diseased hyenas..." Well played, Jeannett. Well played. And a GREAT image!

I was also highly amused by cee.fabee.'s "those people probably hate their own lives." HA!

Jodi said...

Just once I would like someone to look at my boys and say, "What nice helpers you have!" instead of "Wow, you must have your hands full!" I want people to comment on their value as human beings, not on what a burden they must be to me, one of the people that is supposed to love them most.

They are 2.5 years old and 1 year old.

hugmom said...

Okay, a rarely ever leave comments, but when I do it's usually on the other side of things.
I have no excuse for those men not helping you - other than maybe they didn't see you! I know, I know you were right there in front of them, but men can be weird about things like that. They're so focused on what is on their list that they don't see what's right in front of them! I wonder if you'd asked for help what they would have said/done. That said, I still think it's a crime they didn't help you! Okay, the men are not what I came here to comment about.
It's the woman who said, "My you have your hands full." I want you to hear that comment a little differently than you did. I have been known to make that same comment - and I certainly DID NOT by any means intend to insinuate that she had too many children or that they are NOT a blessing. For me, (as a woman in the 40/50 age bracket) it is a COMPLIMENT! And, even a way for me to reminisce about my time as a young mom, juggling kids at different ages and stages. It was probably a way for her to commiserate with you - but in a good way. Sort of like saying, I know what you're going through, I wish I could do that again, but with the energy I have nowadays I can barely get myself to the COSTCO, let alone haul three adorable children there!
Okay, enough of my controversial rant. Just know that if I say, "You sure have your hands full!" I'm simply giving you my admiration for a job well done.
Debbi Weeks

hugmom said...

Oops! I want to know if there are any follow-up comments, so here's another post and I'm checking the right box!

Jeannett said...

hey debbi,

check you out! commenting! :)

I get the "hands full" comment constantly...and I agree, lots of people aren't being rude in that regard. It was the lady who followed it up with "you poor thing..." that bugged me.