Thursday, October 22, 2009

This week

is the first week I should have gone back to work.

Monday morning, as I lay quietly nursing Lucy in bed, I looked at the clock and saw that it was 7:30. I smiled to myself and thought about the sheer contrast of what my morning would have looked like if it had been my first day back:

I'd be half dressed. Running around like a chicken with my head cut off. More than likely yelling at someone. Hair blown dry and straightened. My shirt would be in the dryer...lazy girl's version of ironing. I'd have about 30 outfits strewn throughout my room...because, you know, nothing would fit right with this post-twins body. Henry would be crying about something. Girls would be fussing and wanting to nurse. I'd have about 20 minutes before I had to leave the house. I'd probably rush out the door without breakfast...but have managed to drink two cups of coffee for sure! Speed to the office and apply lipstick at a red light. My heels would be dusty and I'd have to sift through a million receipts, baby bows, toy cars and burp rags in my knock off Coach purse to find my scratched up sunglasses.

Instead, I was laying in bed, half asleep, stroking Lucy's dark brown peach fuzz while she nursed contently. Jill was still sleeping in her crib and Henry was just settling down to watch some Handy Manny until I finished up with Lu. I slipped on my Uggs and headed downstairs to pour myself a piping hot cup of coffee. Which I sipped while I lazily talked to Andy as he read the newspaper. Jill started stirring...and my day began.

A day that is hectic many times. A day where I may not get to brushing my teeth until lunchtime. A day where I want to burst out in tears because I have not one, but two babies screaming at the top of their little lungs and a two year old whining for a cookie. A totally unglamourous day. No leather stilletos. No pencil skirts. No perfectly accessorized outfits. No powerpoint presentations. No meetings with well off clients. Just me and my three kids. Wiping noses, bottoms, making sandwiches and reading the same stories over and over again.

Do I miss working? No. The price is too high. Life is too hectic and I always felt like I wasn't good at anything...I wasn't a good employee and I wasn't a good mom. I did everything best I could, but was always stretched. I miss my girlfriends. I miss actually looking put together. I have a Calvin Klein suit in my closet that may never see the light of day again. That's a bummer. I miss lunches with the girls. Gabbing and laughing too loud. But I don't miss being gone for 10 hours a day. I don't miss filling out my timsheet. I don't miss wondering what my kids are doing right at that moment. I don't miss missing my kids. I'm sure there will come a day when I may pine for being out of the house...the grass is always greener they say...but ultimately, I'll take my spit up covered t-shirt and yoga pants over my dry-clean only gear any day.

Please note that this preference doesn't mean I won't complain somedays. Or downright cry in frustration. It doesn't mean that my new role will be perfect or that I won't secretly hate it some days. It just means that even with its challenges, this is much better for our family right now.

Have a happy weekend folks! Today I am 29 years old. One more to 30 and that is Fuhreeeaaaky!

9 comments:

Mike and Rachel said...

Is today your Birthday? Happy Birthday if it is! If you were just commenting that you are 29, then enjoy it!

Jacquelyn said...

Being a mother is the most important job in the world. The end product being 3 godly, hard working, well educated PEOPLE (that's the hope anyway). I'll take that over making x number of widgets a day for the next 18 years or so ...

It's tough and under appreciated but each day you selflessly give to your children and your husband is a day that they are blessed with the very best in life. They need you and you need them! Happy Birthday!

Joanie said...

Happy Birthday!!!

Diana Fabricio said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! i do respect your desicion to be a stay at home mother i dont know if i could do that without some social life outside of home and a different enviorment but i dont have children so i cant relate! but i know you'll be awesome at this new job! you already are and were when u just had henry!

Jeannett Gibson said...

Di-Just because I'm a SAHM doesn't mean I don't have a social life...in fact, I actually see my friends MORE now than I did when I was working! I was too tired and busy to get together after work to go anywhere! We just call gabbing sessions over a cup of coffee a "playdate". :)

Mama Mote said...

You are a very blessed mom. So thankful that you can be home with your kids. Like you said, you won't be missing your kids or worrying about them. And you will see their 'firsts' (I babysat for a friend and I saw her first step - tried to keep her from doing it when her mom came, but didn't work). And it sounds like you are able to get together with friends, too. What a great gift God has given you. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JEANNETT!!!

Jilse said...

First off Happy Birthday to you!! And secondly you summed it up perfectly. And your post was spot on. Being a SAHM is rewarding in so many ways. You get to give them your full attention and love every single day. They can count on you to be there, good days, bad days, sick days, etc. There isn't a paycheck in the world that would be enough for me to give this up. Getting paid in daily kisses and hugs, and watching every new milestone they accomplish is the best that money can't buy.

Mommy Laity said...

What a wonderful birthday gift! Happy Birthday!!!

Mommy3 said...

Well put. Happy Birthday!