Suffering

Before I begin, let me be clear that when I think of suffering, I think of starving children, AIDS in Africa, orphans in Russia, children with painful and chronic diseases...none of which any of my issues can ever remotely touch.

With that said, this last weekend was MISERABLE. Lynette, Henry, and I went yard sale hunting on Saturday morning, and then went to breakfast (that was the fun part). I could feel a headache coming on, but it wasn't bad. By about 10:00 a.m., it had progressed to a full scale migraine. Complete with nausea, shakiness, hot/cold flashes, and general inability to do anything but lay there. At one point, Henry started crying and the sound of his crying was so painful, that I just cried. So we both sat there crying together. And my head hurt worse than ever and I thought I might just pass out completely. Seriously.

The migraine came and went, to be replaced with a somewhat more manageable headache...ALL weekend long. It kept me up most of the night, so I'm not sure how much I actually slept. Somehow, I managed to pack us up and go to church. I honestly don't know how, but I did it. I was late and missed most of worship, but the music was so loud in my head...and during announcements, the sound of voices over the mike were almost more than I could bear. I was literally reaching for my purse to just get up and leave...Then Pastor Tim got up and started his sermon on....suffering. Oh how timely! He basically said that we should rejoice in our suffering, that God allows us to suffer for lots of reasons, but one key point for me, was "for us to grow". I couldn't help but smile. I know Tim probably had a more philosophical "grow" in mind, but I realized that my suffering was to allow this little baby to grow inside of me. So that I could, God willing, experience the miracle of birth and love for a second child. Oh how my suffering seemed totally okay at that point! Don't get me wrong, I sat there in the pew, shivering and covered in goose bumps and a few times when he got extra animated, I almost threw up right there in the aisle from the sudden volume increase, but I didn't feel quite so sorry for myself anymore. I was reminded that this suffering was so necessary and so worthy. And that it was MY suffering. That I would wear it and do my best to rejoice in it, because God saw it fit to bless us with another family member.

I am so excited about this little one, and as I've learned, being a mommy is hard work. It requires a lot of pain, and tears and frustration. And love, and happiness, and a pure joy that I didn't know was possible. So the next time I have a migraine, instead of thinking "WHY? Take it away!" I will try to think "Oh thank you Lord for blessing me with a child and a body to carry it in and a family to love it with. You are good and Your purposes are so much better than anything I can ever imagine."