Adventures in Poop

It's official. I'm a mother.

I'm throwing my friend Tracy a baby shower in a couple weeks and had to stop by Michael's to pick up a few things. Henry was in his car seat carrier in the front of the cart and kept wiggling and fussing. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with him until he suddenly let out this giant, grown up sounding ploot. And he then proceeded to fill his diaper. "oh, okay. That's what his problem was. Good. " I thought, always happy that everything is functioning well and he doesn't end up with gas. I was done with my shopping at that point and got in line. While standing in line, I noticed that there was poop pooled in his pant leg, precariously close to the edge and ready to spill out everywhere. I nervously look around hoping no one wants to come ogle at my cute baby and see that he's messed himself. Luckily, no one seemed interested. By now I was paying for my purchases when I suddenly look down at my precious boy and see that he has managed to get poop on his HAND! Horrified, I quickly sign the receipt and looked back down at him just in time to see him spit out his Paci and attempt to suck his thumb...with the pooped hand! (This has been a new thing the last few days...wanting his thumb over the Paci). I lunge for him and am able to stop his hand from reaching his mouth but it hits his cheek and smears poop on his face. Mortified I rush out to the car, pull down the truck bed, dump the contents of my Michael's bag and begin the task of trying to unsnap his onesie without poop flinging through the air and all over me (failed), remove his onesie without getting poop in his hair (failed), keeping his rear in the air to keep poop off the carpet (failed), and wiping his ENTIRE body off in a neat and clean fashion (failed). Somehow, someway, the kid had poop on every single part of his body. Face, hands, arm, legs, back, hair...name it. I managed to clean him up using every wipe I had in my travel pack and he rode home in nothing but a (clean) diaper. Needless to say, he got a bath promptly upon getting home.

Dori called me in the middle of my clean up attempts and laughed when I told her what I was doing and said "Welcome to Motherhood! You made it!"

She's a comedian, I tell you.